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madame
hi there, this is me, the owner, CADEN YAP a.k.a the singapore no.1 bastard
birthday falls on 24th MARCH every year


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Monday, January 16, 2006 10:59 PM
why must things turn out this way? am i looking so stressed? why is that people will reject's my care and concern? sigh. i want to know the reason. i want to know what has gone wrong. people are making me sad when they said that they are troubling me. but for me, if they were to reject my care, i will really be troubled. i care for everyone that knows me and of course some special people who entered my life. i just want to say, give me a chance to show my care and concern. because this care that i'm giving will always be there, at anytime, anywhere, regardless of what i'm doing.

the moment you told me you aren't in a mood, i started to think. what is it about. how am i going to cheer you up? i did not bother you until after school, when you went missing. but you were not happy at all. i guessed what has happened is really affecting you a lot. and, if you really think it is time right now, then just do it. but i just want to request that we will go back to how we used to be, what we used to do. it will be difficult, but can we just try it? i cannot do the thing that i wanted, because ultimately, things will still have to end. and furthermore, i cannot go into the relationship at all. sorry. please don't ignore me. because it hurts me deep in my heart. i want to gain back the trust, how? i want to know. so many things for you to tell me, so DON'T AVOID ME.

SIGH. my dad is going overseas tomorrow. will be all alone at home liao. having afternoon lessons and all that, but seriously, i don't feel the stress yet. instead, i come home doing nothing except sleeping and chatting online. i have yet to start my revisions and guess what, i finished my homework almost everyday in school. though sometimes, i choing it in the morning. haha. so be it lor. right now, other than getting started on my revisions, i want to go back to the life that i used to lead.

i missed the days. the days when i felt so happy. when i enjoyed myself. i really want to go back to the life we used to have. WHO CAN GIVE ME A CHANCE?? everything just sucks now, because everyday i'm worried about the people, everyday, i tried to keep myself happy when other people make me sad. sometimes when i made up my mind not to care about anyone, somehow, i just could not. SIGH. tell me what i should do, how i should be able to cheer people up? i will not let anyone worry about me. because i know i will be happy. i know that i can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.

anyone can just depend on her, because she will be there as fast as possible, just to lend you a shoulder if you ever need one, a listening ear to hear you say your unhappiness. got to trust her, and have FAITH in her. she will go through the good and bad times together, because that's what friends are for.

i missed the days when the fire still burns in my heart.when everything went on smoothly without much trouble. when i felt that everything was in place. i want to come back to the life. even when i'm in love with You, i will still care for the people. right now, i still care for them, but something is missing. something important is missing. i will press myself into Your presence everyday without fail. because i strongly believe that if i asked, it will be given to me, seek and i shall find it. knock and the door shall be open to you. i will never leave You again. never be apart from You.